If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen some cryptic posts about my attempts at “upgrading” my home. The translation of that is I’ve been setting up smart home/home automation over the past couple of weeks. I must say, it’s been a fun as hell project.

I’m going piece by piece as it’s been cheaper to put together that way. Well, cheaper isn’t the right word. It’s been easier to afford. That’s the better way of describing it. It’s easier to spend a thousand dollars if you only pay two hundred and fifty dollars over 4 months.

But I digress. The process started with a home automation hub and a single outlet. After that, I installed a smart light switch or two. It’s snowballed a bit from there. Not I’ve got cameras and thermostats on order. I spent a good 6 hours over the weekend programming multiple automation routines. I have spreadsheets of plans for new automation rules and upgrades.

My wife, thankfully, has been geeking out over it as much as I have. She’s even suggested a few things to set up. I think the fact that one of the first things I set up was a routine that turns on her water heater in the morning so she can have her tea as soon as she wakes up helped to convince her that my quest was a noble one.

Along the way, I’ve encountered a few things that I didn’t expect.

• For starters, you develop a bit of attachment to the system. I have a voice control module (translation: I’m using Amazon Echo to control as much as possible). The wife and I were discussing it earlier but we both feel kind of bad just issuing commands like “Alexa, turn on the lights.” and such. Fortunately, it turns out, the device works just as well if you say “please” after the commands requests. We both instinctively feel the need to be polite to the little, stylish cylinder that sits on the entertainment center. Maybe it’s just the southerner in me.
• There’s also this little conflict that goes on in your head whenever you want to use the system. The excited nerd in me wants to use the voice controls as much as humanly possible but the logical (read: boring) person in me has to step in and say “you are a lazy asshole if you ask Alexa to turn on the light when you are essentially leaning against the switch to begin with!” I can’t help but feel Alexa would be judging me if I did that. The unwritten rule is now “Only ask Alexa to do it if I would have to deviate from my current path or activity in order to accomplish it”. Well, actually, I guess it’s not “unwritten” anymore.
• Remember that scene in Star Trek IV where Scotty was sitting in front of the 1986 Apple computer and tried to use voice commands to run it? I feel like that now when I leave my house. In just a couple weeks I’ve gotten so used to my systems that now, when I’m at work, I feel like “what’s this? A light switch!? You mean I have to control this manually!?!? Why don’t I just rub two sticks together for warmth while I’m at it!” It may sound elitist and believe me, I’m not trying to. You just get used to things working a certain way. Have you ever gotten a new keyboard? Pretty much every keyboard has the same QWERTY layout but you still feel like you’re learning to type again for a while any time you change you. Same thing. I like being able to say “Alexa, turn on the living room fan, please.” and not have to think anything more about it. I’m feeling a bit annoyed that I can’t do that everywhere.
• My dogs hate it. Oh boy do my dogs hate this setup. I know they’ll get used to it eventually but right now the lights turning on and off with no one around is confusing the hell out of them. Side story: We were out with some friends over the weekend and I was, naturally, showing off the system. One of things I have is a camera so I can check in on the dogs every now and then. With it being late and us being away, the lights were out in the house. My wife, on seeing this, felt bad that the dogs were sitting there in the dark (passed out asleep on the couch, mind you) and insisted I turn on some lights for them. So with the camera still running on my phone, I grabbed hers and turned on the entry-way lights. The dogs about shit themselves. Freaked them right the hell out and then the wife felt even more guilty. There’s a lesson to be learned there. Damned if I know what it is because I’m still chucking about it as I type this.
• Finally, I’m reminded of an old saying: “no plan survives first contact with the enemy”. My original plan was “a few switches and a camera”. Now, my plan can be summed up best with the phrase “AUTOMATE ALL THE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!11111oneone”. If you decided to go this route, you will follow this same path. It’s an addiction. You’ll always be looking for something to automate. You’ve gotta get your fix!

Hey, uhm…you got any more of that z-wave?